Rarely parents will say nicely about their kids in front of other people. Usually, they’ll say about how late we wake up in the morning or maybe how lame we are in the kitchen. But apparently, ibu aka my mom is not like that when it comes to work opportunity.
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Last Eid, we went to visit our relatives as usual. This Eid was a little bit different; a little on the topic of my don’t-know-when marriage proposal but more on work. This time, ibu had to ask every single aunties and uncles we met if their companies have any work opportunities. Some will be awkward about this situation, but I am actually glad for her to be like this.
Couple of weeks a go, I had an interview at international company. I thought it was only one interview session since they didn’t mention any about second interview. However, last Monday, I had to go through second interview. Of course, my heart is full of colors and hopes because damn, it was a second interview. It means the luck could be there. Allah, please make it works. Since then, ibu keeps on mention about this particular job opportunity to everyone. She said to one of my friends that she’s tired of me being at home. Okay ibu, okay.
I thank Allah for giving me such mom. Even though, I am afraid that the job is not for me (O’Allah please don’t take that statement as my pray, I need that job; I want to pay my PTPTN)then everyone will know about my failure, yet, all in all it is great.
*Ironing tons of clothes*
“You never ease my work when you are at home”
*Folding some clothes*
“You never help me at all”
*Vacuuming and sweeping the floor*
“It will be easier if you are not home at all”
These are the words that slip from her mouth whenever either I forgot to wash some clothes or if I swept the floor a bit late once in awhile or if I have not finish folding clothes before she arrived home.
“Why does she always say that?”
“She has always been like that when she’s mad”
“Can’t you say something about it?”
“I don’t want to prolong the fight, just be patience. ”
” You know, these are the reasons why I want to stay at mahallah sometimes.”
“……..”
I used to think that one day I want stay alone at my own house. I used to have the idea of leaving. Years by years came along, I have grown up to 25 years old and I love her unconditionally. Yet, it comes with sacrifice. As I grow up, as my man always remind me to be patience, I am being patience but I am a human and I am not perfect. That idea comes back. That wish to leave comes back. I still love her unconditionally.
I want to be in paradise. With her and him. I am afraid of hellfire. I don’t want to go to hell. I told myself, “Who likes imperfection?” I don’t like imperfection. I am particular in whatever I did at work. I guess it is the same for her. She dislike imperfection. There is nothing wrong with that, it is preference.
Written in The Other Side of The Coin by Aiman Azlan and Ameen Misran,
In Surh az-Zumar verse 10 the translation, Allah mentioned to the believers that as a slave, fear only to Him. Do good and get good rewards. Be patience and get reward in full beyond your dreams.
I want both.
I have decided to be quite and ask her for forgiveness of any imperfection have I given to her. I pray, Dear Allah, please let her heart full of patience and forgive all of her mistakes cause she is a human and she is a very very very good person at home, to the elders and to the community.
The pain is there when those words listen by my ear and goes to my heart. I guess I just have to be patience and trust Him.
I have been thinking. Guy, it is known that they fall easily to women who are pretty but when they are serious for a woman, they’ll try to get that woman. I found a post on this on my Facebook. Therefore, by analyzing from his behavior, there is no way he has interest in me. So, not to make it worst, I have decided to stop.
It is easy this way, isn’t?
Internship will be over in several weeks and God knows when will I meet him again. Over and over, I kept thinking on why gave me that Arab rice. Okay fine, it is just rice but okay I should stop be over the top and think right. He is just being nice, that’s all.
You know what is the best thing to do when we face problem like this, focus yourself on career development. Yeah, that’s it. I should build myself a good career, set a goal to own a house or car and travel a lot and bring myself closer to His path, my creator.
I like him. I don’t know why and how but I like him. Okay, I know why and how, actually.
First of all, my heart is very fragile. This heart that I have is like the most fragile thing you have ever seen. It is no one’s fault. It is my fault. I should have train my heart to be stronger. I just can’t be friends with men who love to tease me. I fall easily. This one particular guy, he teases me. Maybe not all the time (Man, he is so serious when he was busy), sometimes he does.
Yesterday, I posted a picture of me having lunch with a colleague (an adult woman). He asked me, “Who treat you yesterday?” . The way he asked me with deep voice, sounded curious and a little bit please-say-its-a-woman kinda way of speech, it makes me assume something that this stupid-fragile heart always did. I said, “Someone”. Then he said, “ohh its a woman in that picture”. See, doesn’t that mean he knows already. It seems like he asked me just to make sure that no guy is included. HUHHH
However, today (MYGOD) he kinda made some joke or I don’t know, he said I should be with one of colleague here in IT department. I was like, hellooooo, its me liking you lah, not that guy. By the way, I can’t even like the other guy. Just so you know, the other guy way of speech is sometimes harsh. So yeah, definitely no. Hey, I am not being choosy or anything here but my heart say no, I just don’t like someone who talk rudely and sometimes harsh even though yes, it is joke but just no. Who likes that kind of people? Being rude and talk loudly. Plus, he never even say anything at all to me and I did smile to him when I was just about two or three weeks here (friendly smile) but you know what, he just walked. He just walked. I also say salam, once but nothing. So yeah no way. By the way, this other guy is his friend. So I should try to be nice, isn’t? (Only if I get him lah)
I talked about this with my best friend. She said, “There are two possibilities here. One, he did that because he wants to see if I have someone or the second is whether he wants to prove that he has someone and I should stop hitting on him”. Basically, as a woman who has a heart on him, Allah, please let it be the first option.
“There are two possibilities here. One, he did that because he wants to see if I have someone or the second is he wants to prove that he has someone and I should stop hitting on him”.
This is like the most childish post I have ever wrote but being in love is somewhat mature and childish, isn’t?
Okay okay, if let say he read this and by all mean he does has someone very dear in his heart, please just ignore me by pretend that you didn’t read this or just post something link to your buah hati or send me you wedding invitation. Please don’t say directly to me you have someone, this fragile heart could be broken into tiny pieces and I am afraid that I can’t handle it well.
Happy New Year.
How did I spent the very first day of 2016? Grocery shopping with mom. If you think it is dull, nahhh, you are wrong. Mom looks different today, she spent a lot. That’s new. Glad!
New year eve, not so much happening things happen around me. I spent by watching telly and Korean drama until 2 a.m. Just listen to the fireworks around the neighbourhood. It is not that I don’t fancy fireworks, I still amazed when I see one but I don’t run for it. Unless a guy make a surprise for me, then I’ll definitely run to him, not the fireworks. hahaha.
My 2015.
January was empty a bit. One of my roommate is done with her campus and pursued for her internship programme. Dad was admitted to hospital as he injured from motorbike accident. Alhamdulillah he is fine, even though he did say his knees feel a little strange. Hope it’ll get better soon. Months after that, we got all stressed out for our final year project. Our supervisor is good yet oh my God, her expectation and demands were just beyond our capabilities. We had some issues, unresolved till now. Sad though to finish it in an awkward way but she started it. We still managed to get B+ even though we made it to Top 10. Top 10, she simply said, it must be no other choices to be in the list. I don’t blame her 100%, unachievable expectation can hurt so much and she must be feeling so incomplete and stuff. She did help us get through this tough time, so we are sorry and thank you for everything. We had a blast 2015. Lots of thing actually. I remember it before I started to write this, and now I can’t. Short memory girl passing through..
I cried as I remembered. Two times last year, one because of a friend and one because of final year project. Mentioned it in last post titled, Friend That Go and in this post for final year project. Funny thing on 2015, okay uhmmmm, can’t remember any but I am pretty sure I had tons of it. Okay lets talk personal life.
I have no one as boyfriend until last December 2015 and still no one on the very first day of 2016. However, I just have someone in my mind, lately. A friend used to ask me, (when I talked about my crush, A), do you like him as if you want to marry him? I don’t know and I am not sure, I replied. Hahaha, yes I am not sure. But in this case, friend, I want to marry him. Yet, I don’t know how to approach him. It is complicated. I have no experience in this kind of thing. I think of him almost every second, minute and hour.
Basically that was how my 2016 ends. Thinking of him day and night. Looking at our conversation on WhatsApp last two days. Does he have no intention to ask me anything, like anything at all?
in this post, you can never judge me as being bias to friendship instead of family. i have lots of love to share. My love for my family is unbeatable and my love for friends are inevitable.
We all have friends right? Even if you say no, we don’t have group thingy but actually we do have one, unplanned. I have one. As for the past 4 years, my closest consists of 4 people then down to 3, after a year, it increases to 5, 6 and 7. Yes, it is small but I love them.
Every birthday occasions, we celebrated it. We went out and ate, we collected money and bought not-so-fancy presents but with love. Then, came a tiny argument. For me, it is tiny. Tiny misunderstanding. Have you been hurt by your friends? I did. We all did.
However, it is the matter of how you handle it. If you truly love, you will try to calm your heart on your own because you can’t afford to lost your friends. As how you love your family, no matter it is your fault or not, you can’t afford to lost your sisters, brothers and parents.
Friend that go, she hated us or me so much. I told mom about this, until now, I am wondering, how else should I do to make it okay, what exactly does she need from us (me)? Mom said, why do you still think about her? I love her mom, we are friend (I said it in my heart)
I am a Malaysian, a Muslim. My dad is a Malaysian Javanese and my mom is a Minang. So there is no way my skin was white. No way. I have a bit brown coloured skin with a little bit reddish on the chick and forehead (sometime). Even though I don’t have white skin color, I love myself and I just want to make sure my skin is okay with no acne or at least not much of acnes.
However, people in my country (I am not sure other country) is currently obsessed of being white, white and white. Everyone are prepared to spend hundreds of Ringgit to have white skin color.
I do not understand this. Yes, I did say to my friend, if you are chubby but white, people don’t care about how chubby you are because at the very least, you have a common and likeable skin color (as I say situation at my place) which is white.
I do wear several skin products, just to make sure my skin is healthy and clean from dust or bacteria from outside. But my focus was not to have white skin color. I am proud of my skin. I am amazed that most people who have dark skin color from other country look amazingly beautiful and they love themselves.
For example, Tyra Banks (I love her). As I also reckon some of my university mate who are from Nigeria, Ghana, they have amazingly beautiful skin. You must know that Barbie who has dark skin color right? Yes for me, they are like that. Beautiful in their own way.
The most important thing is skin care. If you know how to cherish your skin, even if your skin are like mine, not that white, you can still look amazing. You also need to stop buying foundation that is not your skin color. As I always saw, some people who are obsessed being white, they tend to use foundation or powder that is not their color. It looks weird. I am not pretty myself but believe me, who else going to appreciate yourself just as yourself if its not you, yourself. Get it?
One thing that afraid me is when this obsession of being white is taken over the media, newspaper, telly and internet, kids who are still learning will learn the wrong thing. My sister, has being bullied by her friend about her skin color and what else could be happening in the future if everyone only sees beauty is equal to white skin.
Believe in yourself, trust yourself and bring out your confident by appreciating yourself.
today i had a chance to sit in the bus. my days and nights are full of things to do. not that busy when the sun is up but office environment, colleagues, yada yada yada, so i don’t think looking at my phone for a long time is a good thing to do. when the sun goes down, i need to take care of my cats poops, give them food, iron clothes and many more. (i am not married, by the way but you know just help my mom out)
back to the IIUM. International Islamic University Malaysia. yes, i pursued my bachelor degree at this beautiful place.
i still remember the day i checked my upu result. i was with puteri and we were heading to sunway pyramid. i was nervous. after sent my details via text message, i received this code of my status. i was like, hey, in this crucial time, you shouldn’t be sending me code. i had no smart phone during that year, 2011, we used keypad but Alhamdulillah internet was already available. when i looked at my phone, IIUM? i didn’t applied neither iium nor bachelor of information technology.
i was scared, i was jahil during that time, so stupid that i actually afraid that if i went there, do i have to wear abaya or wide hijab or socks. stupid huh!
first day was fun. i met new friends, roommate who at first didn’t want to talk to me (but we love each other now), we had no food to eat since most of cafes yet to be opened due to semester break. for the first time, i spoke in english to a nigerian lady in case she knew any cafes available.
first semester was tough, i needed to take full semester of english class. just english! my english was embarrassing and now less embarassing. those who are pursuing english literatue would probably don’t even want to read my first sentence however i am still learning to improve. Alhamdulillah, i passed my english test at the end of first semester, my friends did too, so we managed to enter our kulliyyah for real. we learnt about programming, Islamic views in every aspects, accounting, and so and so. i met great friends this semester, different studies and even though we rarely contact each other now but friendship stays, right?
second semester began. this semester was a nightmare in term of my academic journey. it is possible to learn programming but as for one who didn’t any knowledge about that, it was nightmare. i hated every classes and calculus was just my nap time. plus, i yet to find interest to this course. all in all, ups and downs, happy and sad moments, i got it through and managed to finish with acceptably satisfied. i would like to tell you about my final year project, lots of interesting events happen. i will write about it one day.
iium was my second home. i miss my friends, we used to have midnight pillow talk, stay up to finish assignments, skipped classes. i miss iium environment, even though we did face some political or administration issues (most places face these), it is still the second most comfortable place for me. i miss my room, oh heaven, i love my bed there. haha it was not fancy, but i loved it and i still love it. my mom used to say whenever it was weekend and i was rushing to go back to iium, she said, “you really can’t wait huh!!” with annoyed voice. sorry mom, i enjoyed some “me” time. i miss lectures, practical is boring, i can’t ask for answers, hahaha.
if i can, i really want to spend at least a week there. like i used to. but there is no if, right?
oh my God, my heart falls, my pupil grow big, round and i can’t say anything. the only thing i can do is smile pleasantly.
I LOVE ENGLISH ACCENT SO MUCH
hahaha. funny huh, nope? you love it too? great, no, brilliant. whenever i hear an english man or woman (usually man) talks, i feel somehow my problems are gone, my mission and vision is achieved and i feel happy. that happen when i saw them talk in television. what happen if i met and saw them talking in front of me?
1. i could probably just smiling
2. i could be sweating and shaking
3. i could be asking them to repeat because some words are just so amazing to hear but hard to understand.
4. just ignore number 4 and smile, and nod as if i understand every words.
i learn the existence of english accent from harry potter, of course. then i started to imitate and i sound funny. even my roomate who came back from london laughed at me. by the way i love imitate Rupert Grint or Ronald Weasley in harry potter. he sounds so british.
achildishwoman 