Working Late

I used to assume myself as a workaholic. Even though I might be lazy for certain things but yes, when it comes to things or works or tasks that I favor, working late at night is nothing to me. It is stressful, indeed, when your code is not working as it should but the passion is there.

I started to study late at night when I was Form 3 (15 years old). We had PMR (its an examination for high school before we specifically choose our interest) and I love Mathematics and for me, math is something you should do at night. Evening is not that suitable for Maths because your eyes are tired and you need to relax.

In kulliyyah (IIUM), most of my assignments were a last minute work which I did at night. I still remember that I stay up for about 1 and a half day for my final year project (I guess). Of course with a little nap time, I am sane enough to graduate. Alhamdulillah (one more month left for internship). I find it is okay to stay late night and focus on your whatever assignment. I mostly think it is because of the environment. Roommates were there but they were also in their personal space and focus on whatever they did. We still had our pillow talk, late night discussion but all in all, it is fine (tired but fine). Don’t make me start on how we cover our sleep on the daylight cause you don’t want to know. (shhhhhh) Yes, I think it is because of the environment, age perhaps (we were young). Kulliyyah (IIUM), mahallah is the place where we sleep, revise and learn so the passion to work late at night is not that burdensome.

HOWEVER!!!!!!

The situation when you start working in a company is different. Working late is okay until you get back home and see everyone in your house is sleeping soundly. You are all alone. Last night, I arrived home at 11 and I saw my cat was sleeping, my ibu and ayah (right after picked me up) were sleeping and my sister was sleeping. The loneliness of working late, I clearly see it now. It is no fun in all this working late at night at office. I am left to iron my sisters’ school uniform, luckily I had iron dad’s cloth. Watched Running Man just to keep me sane (I need to laugh, you know). All this negative vibe of tiredness and eye bag need to be solved.

So, is working late still fine to me??

YES AND NO

Yes, because doing things we like is one thing that we can say we enjoy doing it.

No, because the loneliness when you arrived home. Just imagine if let say you are busy like hell and every single days (working days), you reach your home at 11. Meaning, you will be meeting your family on weekend. Yet, there are still some people are require to work on weekends. This is insane!!

Ini semua duniawi.

Out of topic sekejap.

**If you like someone, just say it. Who knows if he or she likes you too** Easy said that do.

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i cried in front of big boss

good thing right? it shows that i am sweet, child-like heart, soft and bad worker. hahaha.

i didn’t cry in front of him. he is the boss from other department. the story began when i was asked to collect sign from users until bosses. in case you guys wonder what my position is, i am an intern under IT Division and of course, as junior, i have to do this be-brave-knock-bosses-door-and-ask-for-sign task. its normal and i am thankful for that. baby steps. users, they are easy. they know what did, they confirmed the paperwork and signed. their supervisors also not that hard, checked with respective users, is it okay, then signed. first level bosses, some were tough but easy to deal with as long as they briefly checked the documents. big bosses, tough.

in this case, i have been told that i can’t left the documents. usually, i waited until they finished discuss about the documents and signed. for this particular boss, i had called his secretary, he was not available, if i ever visited his place, he was not there. along this week i tried but no luck. today at 5 p.m, i checked on his secretary, he was available so i rushed to meet him.

i knocked his door and he looked at me. he was not comfortable because he was busy. he asked me to left the file and i said i can’t, these was supposed to finish by today. unsatisfied with my reasoning, he questioned me why i didn’t come early. i kept saying, (i did, i did in my heart and brain), but in reality, i only able to keep quite and swallow my nervousness. he said, “you can’t do this, i can’t simply sign, this is not like stamp”. he looked mad and again, unsatisfied. i said, you can checked with A, this user was a participant. he called and discussion was started in front of me. explanation was given from A to Z. he asked to understand more. both of them were talked and i calmed my heart, i felt my tears were about to come out. i told myself, don’t be stupid, this is nothing.

after he gathered all the necessary information and understand those pile of documents (4 files and each has only 5-6 pages), he signed and lazily put the files on his table. A picked up the file and gave it to me. i waited, looked like it was settle. i bravely put a smile and thanked him and bowed a bit.

on my way to my place, i wanted to cry, i didn’t know why but i needed to cry. i went to the toilet and i cried for two minutes. then i packed my bag to go for Asr prayer and home.

lessons that i get from this scary moment are ;
1. I just learn to understand the contents by reading the file but i didn’t ask anyone. I should ask.
2. I must know how to explain in front of the bosses.

however, i think this won’t be happen if right communication is used by us. why is that his worker under him didn’t inform him about this particular project, this matter. why is that explanation only be made when documents is presented and all it need to settle is a signature. i think formality should be put aside for some cases. just send him an email, boss, actually we have this project, about this and that, we want you to know there is no problem and you may have to sign several documents when it is done. email him. we live in advanced day. i don’t blame anyone. but live could be better with communication. i, myself should learn to ask deeply about projects even though i am just a girl who collect signature.

the internet

here i am been busy doing nothing. not really nothing but yeah basically nothing. just nothing. okay too much ‘nothing’ has been used is one of the symptom of sarcasm.

days ago, my data plan is expired, damn it! and my life has never been dull before. internet age has change our life. we become more and more stupid, and genius too (we can not ignore how google has been very helpful in our study right). what i meant was, we become more stupid on how to live alone in reality. we become empty and talk in the lift alone because we have no internet connection (not me, of course).

my "whatever bothers me" note

so in order to prevent any who to be talking in the elevator alone because she or HE does not has internet connection are

1. write whatever bothers you in your notebook. just be sure you write it in different language so that your colleagues wouldn’t know.
2. play minesweeper. trust me, it is fun.
3. as for me, i copy any sql code from laptop to my notebook (to cover myself from the second one)
4. just go to the toilet, let go of anything that need to be let go.

that is all. have fun doing nothing.

p/s, my sv is super busy that she didn’t give me anything. 😑

the bus ride

bus has been my main transportation to go to work and transit (ayah will pick me up here). there are so many things happen in the bus. funny, awkward, paranoid, everything and anything can happen.

so far it has been two weeks, i ride bus and it has been very interesting looking and observing others.

the cold one
the person who does not want to move at all. i hate this one. can you imagine being in the middle where people want to come in but the one next to you does not even want to budge at all. she just stand there and make this who-are-you-this-is-my-place face. she may not reading this but for one who does read, please be considerate. not just in bus, in anything you do. yes, we might be stranger but small gestures can change so much.

the safer zone (probably)
haha. basically, this is just my opinion. based on what i have go through for the past two weeks, i have a zone where i feel a little bit comfortable or safer. and yes, i can get quite paranoid in a bus. i think everyone want to at least touch my shoulder. this is the case where women can not be seen anywhere near me. i prefer to stand (i stand a lot) near either young Chinese guy, young Arab guy or young Indian guy who wears smart collar shirt or bring any laptop bag. why you ask me? thank you for asking. i do not know the exact reason but yeah i feel a bit safer there.

the road
i’d say it is really fun. yes, i am tired of standing up all the time and with sleepy eyes every morning and evening but the road is fun. i always love Ampang Road. i do not know why but by looking at those high and expensive residents area makes me feel so motivated to work harder. have you seen brunsfield embassyview?? to live there is probably just in my dream unless i can get salary more than 10000 per month. it is so beautiful, i love the mirrors, the building itslef is just so so amazing. i love houses and this road can be really interesting to me.

so there my bus ride story. it can be very smelly and all but that is the beauty of being grown up where you always want to do better and better for future.