wear or not to wear

mom, i didn’t have any clothes to wear. i need some.
kaklong, just wear what you have as long as you are not naked.
alaahhhhhhhhh. okay then.

as a woman i have a lot of that moment above. even in the morning when i need to go to work. look at my wardrobe and question myself, “the same, again?”
i realize that i have to learn to accept. we may be good in sustain ourselves from being mad, speak harsh or control our mind from do bad. but as a woman, we fail to control ourselves from shopping. i know myself when i have money, i could spend hundreds when i am not thinking.

what makes me realize was,
i have this permanent task at home. i fold laundry and put it all back to its places; mom’s and dad’s closets and sister’s closet. i look at their collections every single day and clothes are all the same until the next update which probably next celebration (Eid Fitri). i never saw my mom crying for a new one, never once i saw my dad brought home new shirts for work even though i know some are very old. they probably wanted to have but they put it all aside for us, their children. do we just simply take that and be happy just on our own while our parents aren’t? frankly speaking, i probably will and i want to learn to not to.

i want to learn to not to.

i am still studying and i live from my little allowance and pocket money given by my parents. i do have my own shopping session which i buy toiletries, woman stuff, make up, probably i may even bought one top or a new skirt but i want to learn not to rush into having some stuff just because others own it. we have been exposed with too many people who can afford it and i am not saying that i live in poverty but to be modest not just in the way i speak but in the way i look. for now, i can’t afford all that, i told myself repeatedly. one day, inshaaAllah.

i love planning, to go here and there, to buy this and that. once i had a friend who told me that i just love to speak but i am not living with what i speak. i have a lot to consider. even when i go out, i feel pity that i can’t bring along my sister since i only afford my own stomach. sorry sis but i always promise myself to bring along her and my entire families to places that i have been. this can only be happen if some dato’ wants to marry me or yes, if i work hard.

generally speaking, i love shopping. i love it so much that i once spent hundreds in one day. and i was just 18 or 19 years old at that time. and once when i was 20. the best and good sedekah is within our families and the best we can do are probably lessen their burden in term of financial and stress, i guess so. i am not ustazah but i think good things are good isn’t.

p/s i have plan to shop some clothes but only Allah knows if i really shop or not. depends.

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the make up

we, women love make up, cosmetic so much. aren’t we? what? men love it too, no comment on that but if you are talking about skin care, yes they should. bad weather these days, air pollution every where, at least all of us need face cleanser.

what product do you use? i’m lonely, talk to me please. nope, no one. okay then.

back to me and myself talking to no one. i love make up, it gives strengthen my personality, brighten what needs to be brighten.

starter
as we all should do, we must wash our hand and face apply any cosmetic on our face. wash your hand, wash your hand. we do not want any germ paste on with make up. gross.
i apply my trusted (so far) toner from Neutrogena. you can easily buy this from Guardian. gently tap it with your hand, i don’t fancy cotton and that is why i must wash my hands. let it dry on its own.

make up sesh
after my toner is absorbed into my skin, i apply my trusted (so far) foundation which i happen forgot to bring it to the office today. i use Maybelline Dream Liquid Mousse or in a case where i forgot, i use Maybelline Clear Smooth B.B Cream. i love both. i apply it with my finger, soft and gentle.
next, i apply again another product from Maybelline, Clear Smooth Shine Free Cake Powder (what a long name for a compact powder). this is one, i use sponge okay, i am not crazy.

continue with lips and eyes.
first i rarely apply eye shadow, actually it has been 4 years since the last time i applied. i just use simple eye liner which i draw it a little bolder as if i have eye shadow on me. couple of months ago, i starter to draw my eyebrow but not too much, just to make sure i look like i have eyebrows.
for my beautiful lips (duhhh), i use many but not in one time. my current obsession is Moisture Boost Lipcolor Balm in Latte by SilkyGirl. Other lipsticks are
1. MoistureShine in Naked Truth by SilkyGirl
2. Peachy Scene by Maybelline

i wish i own lip color in coral. i dream to have that color.

finishing
as i walk and ride public transportation, i need to make sure my make up is still there on my face when i reach office. so i use Bio-essence Miracle Bio Water which i read it is good to sustain your make up and also moisturising and soothing your skin.

done. i am ready to go! anyone, free date?

as you can see, i use Maybelline too much and i would like change and my friend here just mention about this new product which came in to Malaysia early this year. it is Catrice. price range is affordable within my 500 ringgit malaysia allowance. i have to skip lunch and dinner, of course.

till then.

the chair

i prefer to do my assignments on a table with a chair. by the way, not the kind of chair above. nooo, that one just look pretty,vintage something like that.

i found myself more focus and suprisingly quite when i do my work. i also have this serious face when i am too focus in my work. my friends, who know me, say that i look mad when i am serious, in my work.

i just started my internship and this too-focus-too-serious face makes me worry. i am worry that my colleagues would think that i am in a bad mood or mad at work or any other misconception that they might think.

being an intern, you can not be 100% about yourself or you will not be able to get an offer, people will dislike you, so on and so forth. i just got my real task, so i have been busy because i have to submit it on Tuesday next week.

i thought sitting on the chair would be fine because i have done that before during my study but nope, it is not fine at all. my back, oh my God, it pains my back, my shoulders, my join, everything. i feel old already. my shoulder, i can’t even set it straight while in the bus.

working is not fun. if you are currently in university, studying, keep on study. study until you are old. the stress of working is on the new level. you are afraid all the time. study is fun. keep on.

bad hijab day

oh malaysian really loves hijab. we have so many material, pattern, style and color. if hollywood has fashionista, here we have hijabista. ohh, don’t look into your hundred pages of Oxford Dictionary cause it is not there.

and today, i have made a decision (wrong one though) to borrow my mom hijab, half moon shawl. never once i wear that or have intention to but today, i did. just because i adore the color so much which is brownish gold and it matches my baju kurung (traditional woman cloth for malay).

usually, i would have try it at night, to see whether it is okay or not or at least i can think of how to actually wear it nicely. but nope, i just watched sherlock and went to sleep. this morning, i nearly cried because the back of my hijab, the half moon one, looked awfully terrible. it still does look terrible now even i have corrected it like five times.

i am not going anywhere today. i am going to sit at my place until five p.m. yes, i will. i just to have to control bladder, that’s all. my confident level drops by 60% and that is just too much.

the point is for someone as dull as me, who loves the same style every single day, DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE AT THE LAST MINUTE, you’ll regret it.