Ibu Being A Mom

Rarely parents will say nicely about their kids in front of other people. Usually, they’ll say about how late we wake up in the morning or maybe how lame we are in the kitchen. But apparently, ibu aka my mom is not like that when it comes to work opportunity.

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Last Eid, we went to visit our relatives as usual. This Eid was a little bit different; a little on the topic of my don’t-know-when marriage proposal but more on work. This time, ibu had to ask every single aunties and uncles we met if their companies have any work opportunities. Some will be awkward about this situation, but I am actually glad for her to be like this.

Couple of weeks a go, I had an interview at international company. I thought it was only one interview session since they didn’t mention any about second interview. However, last Monday, I had to go through second interview. Of course, my heart is full of colors and hopes because damn, it was a second interview. It means the luck could be there. Allah, please make it works. Since then, ibu keeps on mention about this particular job opportunity to everyone. She said to one of my friends that she’s tired of me being at home. Okay ibu, okay.

I thank Allah for giving me such mom. Even though, I am afraid that the job is not for me (O’Allah please don’t take that statement as my pray, I need that job; I want to pay my PTPTN)then everyone will know about my failure, yet, all in all it is great.

Thanks ibu for being a mom.

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A Bit

“I know you always assume I take you for granted. I know you are feeling that all your effort is useless to my eyes. All my naggings are for you, I want you to be useful. When you are at grandma, do some work, don’t just sit and lay down doing nothing.”

“I did right, it is not I didn’t do anything at all. “

“That was because I asked you. I don’t want you to wait when I asked you, then you do. Find work by yourself. Sweep floor. Clean the kitchen.”

A bit uncomfortable to do chores at grandma’s, yes that is what it is when I stay at grandma’s. The thing is when I start to clean her kitchen, she’ll be worried about her stuff because when I start cleaning, I clean thoroughly and my mouth will be talking too. It just natural. I start to talk about “this shouldn’t be here. This should be put here. We have talked about this grandma, this jar should be in the room.”  That kind stuff. She doesn’t like it. However, for Eid or if it has been too long, I still do it because it something that should be done and yes, when my mom asked me to do. hahahaha. Yeah mom, you’re right. You win.

Heyy, thing is I did. Okay, I think the reason why I was getting scold because I told her I didn’t bring my pad when I should because I just look my calendar and it was due. I was unprepared. Thus, it leads to old arguments that totally out of time. Therefore, women and men, be prepared. Especially, men. You know that you can run away from old arguments from us ladies if it start. Being unprepared may lead to this situation; you don’t want that to happen.

By the way, I had fun with mom this week. I must say, I have been terrible this weekend. We went to her friends’ open house for Eid; I was unlucky. I dropped a jar of cookie until the jar is broken. I accidently splash water to her her face which is of course unintentionally. She didn’t get mad. Sorry mom. It was just me, mom and my sister. We had fun filled up our tummy.

A bit of sorrow. A bit of happiness. That is life. In sorrow or madness, realisation of truth make us step backward and respect others. In sorrow and madness, a bit of unlucky events make us appreciate of what little happiness happen at the same time. It is also take a bit of our time to actually understand those. A bit.

Best Dream Ever

Urghhh, I am not sure if I should or shouldn’t write about this. Please, it is not 18sg or something, it is just too sweet. So sweet that I actually hoping that it can be true, one day. Remember a guy that I wrote in A Day of 2016,yeah yeah that one. Recently, we had couple of meetings at work and you know my new friends are so funny that the crazy me came out just like that. We laughed, he laughed and he teased me and he quoted my Facebook status every time. As a woman, an innocent like me, it is hard to think that those are nothing. Ok, somehow I do feel there is some interest going on with us. You know. So, yesterday, we laughed and he laughed too, he also talked some sense to me about me stay late at work. He said, I shouldn’t since I am just an intern. So on and so forth. Therefore, I feel a spark somewhere in me which it may not be special but it is something. Then came the night. I fall a sleep and I had this wonderful dream. The dream is like this.

I don’t know how it started but all I know he was sending me home. I told him that he don’t have to stop by, just drop and go. Then he suddenly get inside my house and greet my dad as if you know he is the one. He call my dad, dad. He call my dad, dad.

I know it is not really clear there but I hope those are true. I don’t know his attitude, I don’t even know if he is nice. But I do know, he kind of off-bit in whatsapp. He sounds serious and straight forward. I pray to God, please if he is the one, let it be easy and if he is the right, let it be true. If he already someone else, please show me the sign so that I can control this feeling.

Best Moment vs Tragic Event

I have been meaning to write for days. I had been busy with wedding, stayed in a car for 10 hours journey. Back and forth to north and south.
Quick Update
I had fun with mom and dad, sister on our quick trip to Penang and Kedah, north of Malaysia. We visited War Museum which was found by Malaysian, it is an original place for British (then took by Japan) during World War II. This museum now officially under WWII organisation. If you ever come to Malaysia, do visit Penang for this particular historical site. It is amazing. The beauty of old engineer and architecture and it is a best place for those who are brave because they offer NIGHT VISIT!! 

 The youngsters, cousins and me as am adult, we walked inside a tunnel which was used to transfer guns and weapons. Khairina, 10 y/o, Ahmad, 16 y/o and me, we climbed a stair which I estimated to be about as high as a street lamp pole. This stair was used to bring out those weapons. It was and it is the best moment we had here at the museum. Luckily mom mentioned not to wear skirt.

All of those weapons, roads or trails and seen as props are told to be real things.

Mom had a tough time in here, though. The journey back to Malaya was full of stairs and hills. Dad was half way because he had to go to Jumuah Prayer. However, we all had so much and it was worth it, worth than visit a zoo. Duh, Malaysian Zoo. Then, we had our lunch at Nasi 7 Benua. There goes my diet in a drain. It is unique and delicious. The we decided to have a walk, just a simple exercise after ate rice. We planned to search for street art.

Cousins and aunt and uncle were tired so they decided to go back to the hotel. We headed for Georgetown in Penang. As we reached, rain drops were seen, so no street art mehh, raining maa, so we decided to go to 3D Art Made in Penang. It was fun. Dad got all excited asked me to take his pictures and mom was all excited too. It was fun. Really fun. But then….

Before we arrived at 3D Art, my phone fall onto a hard cement plus rocky structure of road. It was horrible. Since then, I have no mood at all to type or scroll or update my Instagram or anything at all. Only now, I found the courage to face my phone and be friend with it again even if it does not work properly. Sad sad sad and tragic event for me. Screen of phone is damage on the right side, which affect certain letters on the touch keypad as well as I got no smiley buttons available and if I touch upper side of my phone on the right once, it will keep on result to as if I touch it repeatedly. Luckily I use auto detection for both English and Malay.

I search ways to fix my phone, the cheaper one and so far I found RM200. Quite reasonable but when you have no budget, you just have NO budget. But I get all stress out when it keep on meddling with the screen, as if I touch it but I am not. I need my phone for work and of course mom didn’t know this. Scare to tell her. Better she didn’t know.

Being Selfish

Mom always, always, always, say that it will be hard for me to get someone who have values like her husband aka my dad. He is not perfect but for me, yes, it is hard to get a man like him these days.

History is history, I don’t care for the man he used to be but now, I see him much better than other men,young men. Pretty sure most of us think of our dad highly than others, no doubt on that, experience what makes someone better and your dad are amazing too. No hard feelings, okay. I just compare it with young gentlemen.

He don’t mind to do laundry from A to Z on weekend. Sometimes week days.
He loves to cook snack for us in the evening.  He can hear me, his daughter, talk about anything, problems and mom’s related issue (shhhh), and boys and marriage.
He laughs when I fought with my sister about who should clean up our cat’s poop.
He calms my heart when I was about to burst from disagreement with my mom.
He talks me some sense.
He let my mom have her own free time with her friends.

Why bold? Because this is what most young men couldn’t give to her spouse, I guess. We, women tend to lose our friends after each of them getting married, isn’t? Responsibilities here and there.
I am being selfish. I do say in my prayer, let my friends be my friends even when they get married. I wish I can get a man, of course good in religion, and also allows me to have some time-off from house chores and stuff.

I am being selfish to have all for me. To have their time for me. To have both family and friends for me.

I am being selfish.

Surprise Gift

Finally,
I have been planning to buy thing like this for mom and today I bought it!

Wow, so much shopping for the past two days huh, Izzati?
Well, why not?

I just purchased 3 hour massage package for my mom at only RM38. Normal price is supposed to be hundreds. I googled for Groupon packages and I found this one. Just near my home and 3 hour package. Includes foot reflexology. Why not?

What do you think about mom’s reaction? We have to wait for that one because, funny story it is, this gift is for her birthday next year on February, 1st. Hahahahaha. Too early huh? Good things can’t wait.

dad laughed at my sudden statement

“hey, i’m going to Japan next year.” I read my cousin’s text repeatedly. she just went to China and South Korea, and now she told me she will be visiting Japan.

minutes later, there was me, wailed to my mom why am I still here? why can’t i go to South Korea. i can speak hangul, a bit. i have learn their food,  tradition and basic sentence such as where can i find a toilet. i know where to go, i already have a list of places there but why can’t i be there?

i wailed to my dad, cried with no tears mentioned about the same hot issue of tonight to him. dad, simple man, he said, “stop crying, you are 24 years old and you cry like a child”. okay this is where he laughed when i answered, “why can’t cry and be sad and manja ( coquettish behavior by women designed to elicit sympathy or pampering by men). I thought men love woman like me, manja and all that.” he laughed. but my manja does sound a liiiiitle bit annoying after some times.

so why can’t i be there? because Allah does not yet gives His permission to me. simple answer to a simple question. therefore, as a good Muslim (trying to be one, and still learning), i must accept this as my predestined. one day in the future, perhaps. or maybe He wants to send me to His places; Mecca and Medina before others. who knows right?

the reason why my dad laughed is unknown. whether my statement is correct or cute or wrong, i don’t know. all in all, i am in the middle of setting my mind into peace. bye all.

wear or not to wear

mom, i didn’t have any clothes to wear. i need some.
kaklong, just wear what you have as long as you are not naked.
alaahhhhhhhhh. okay then.

as a woman i have a lot of that moment above. even in the morning when i need to go to work. look at my wardrobe and question myself, “the same, again?”
i realize that i have to learn to accept. we may be good in sustain ourselves from being mad, speak harsh or control our mind from do bad. but as a woman, we fail to control ourselves from shopping. i know myself when i have money, i could spend hundreds when i am not thinking.

what makes me realize was,
i have this permanent task at home. i fold laundry and put it all back to its places; mom’s and dad’s closets and sister’s closet. i look at their collections every single day and clothes are all the same until the next update which probably next celebration (Eid Fitri). i never saw my mom crying for a new one, never once i saw my dad brought home new shirts for work even though i know some are very old. they probably wanted to have but they put it all aside for us, their children. do we just simply take that and be happy just on our own while our parents aren’t? frankly speaking, i probably will and i want to learn to not to.

i want to learn to not to.

i am still studying and i live from my little allowance and pocket money given by my parents. i do have my own shopping session which i buy toiletries, woman stuff, make up, probably i may even bought one top or a new skirt but i want to learn not to rush into having some stuff just because others own it. we have been exposed with too many people who can afford it and i am not saying that i live in poverty but to be modest not just in the way i speak but in the way i look. for now, i can’t afford all that, i told myself repeatedly. one day, inshaaAllah.

i love planning, to go here and there, to buy this and that. once i had a friend who told me that i just love to speak but i am not living with what i speak. i have a lot to consider. even when i go out, i feel pity that i can’t bring along my sister since i only afford my own stomach. sorry sis but i always promise myself to bring along her and my entire families to places that i have been. this can only be happen if some dato’ wants to marry me or yes, if i work hard.

generally speaking, i love shopping. i love it so much that i once spent hundreds in one day. and i was just 18 or 19 years old at that time. and once when i was 20. the best and good sedekah is within our families and the best we can do are probably lessen their burden in term of financial and stress, i guess so. i am not ustazah but i think good things are good isn’t.

p/s i have plan to shop some clothes but only Allah knows if i really shop or not. depends.

Cameron Highlands

impromptu holiday.
this was few weeks back. i want to write it but i keep on,  “later on, later on”.

my family and i was invited to go to a wedding at Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia. ibu said, “why don’t we all go to cameron highlands, since it is not that far from here.” me and my sister were screamed like crazyyy. we had been waited for holiday since our last vacation to Terengganu.

the journey was merciless and scary. i couldn’t sleep, my sister kept on checked whether my father was driving or sleep-driving. i should have took a video of her.
just before we arrived Tanah Rata, Brinchang, which is the main spot, we stopped at lavender garden but since it was already 6 p.m, we couldn’t enter except my dad. ask me why, ask me why.
he needed to go to the toilet. hehehe. lucky him got to take sneak peak of the garden. it was beautiful, amazing, i-feel-like-i-am-in-a-disney-film kind of view.

at first we were planned to have a one day trip but since we arrived at the destination at almost 7, we decided to stay a night. we thought there were supposed less human since school holiday almost over but no, we thought poorly. as we were headed to hotel location (where we didn’t even know about its availability), we were  stuck in traffic. for almost an hour. in the middle of nowhere. in the jungle. scary huh.

Alhamdulillah, after all the screamed, laughed and cried, we arrived to not-sure-if-there-was-a-room-available hotel. my mom and i entered and went straight to the lobby. thank God, they have a room which at the hotel next door. as long as we slept in a room and not car park, we were happy as bunny.

the hotel room was so cold but i loved it. i love to be in a cold room even if i need to fold myself in three layers of blankets but i don’t mind and don’t you dare increase the temperature. weird thing is, the hotel was not provided with air conditioner. not even heater, hahaha. but it was not as cold as below 0 degrees, my phone stated the temperature was only 18 degrees, just 18 so be cool and relax. my sister was screamed whenever she needed to go to the toilet.

at night, we went to night market which was different than usual night market. you can get fresh flowers, fresh strawberries, fresh vegetables, unique food and everything healthy. yes, live in cameron highland will make you feel so healthy.

the next morning, we had a very normal breakfast as we were normal and still normal till today. then we headed to our room to check out and continued our journey. first we stopped by another strawberries farm after yesterday’s non stop purchased session, we just had to buy some more for friends and relatives.

then we headed to tea farm as you can see from the first picture. first we visited the store that sell tea and beautiful teapot. i had no money. why did i had no money. it was so beautiful, i want one!!

enough with me and teapot, i will get you one day. wait for me! we went down to the land of tea. as a fan of tea, my dad was planned to take some of leaves home but we managed to get one whole tree. hahahaha. no i am just joking, please inspector, don’t arrest my dad. of course if you want to taste it, you need to buy or have a sip of tea at the cafe provided. my family and i love tea so much but we are not a fan of flavoured tea. so we just bought one and until today, we didn’t have a taste yet. it was scary to go down the hill, i wonder how the tea farmers work there, it was dangerous and slippery. appreciate your tea and don’t you dare throw away the tea leaves, drink with it.

the journey back to Kuala Lumpur was even scarier than the road we used to come. if there was a bus on the other, we will be honked and we (I) shocked and we needed to give some space for the bus to pass through the road. even when the road was all scary and dangerous, i don’t understand why the bus driver needed to drive like crazy too.

we stopped by at this amazing waterfall. you can have a quick bath here, if you want to.

that is all about my holiday. i was fun to have a rest from work, and city air. most important is i get to spend quality time with people i care.

the face

me: “mom, can you just find me somebody to marry?”
mom: “no way, you smile less, you always look angry”
me: “mom, do you really think i am that bad. dad, deep down in your heart, do you reallllllllyyyy think i am bad as your child?”
dad: “noo but you can be better”
me: “no one is perfect dad, i can cook if i want too and i do cook once in a while. and mom, do i have to smile always like always?” mom: “not really but you always look angry”
me: “no, i’m not. okay. people at office always call me cute because i am intern okay” (even if they are just being sarcastic, i trust their judgement)

so that’s what happen. my parents always say that i have this angry face patch onto me. i can’t smile while walking on the street, alone. people are going to think, “ohh my, she looks fine but crazy”. i don’t want that.

yes, my tone when i speak can sound so serious. of course it is when i talk about serious stuff. because i speak so nice and cute and ‘manja’, mom would say, “you speak like a kid, try to be mature”. seee. so how should i behave exactly.

i accept that i can be lazy, now tell who isn’t? once in a while, we are allowed some lazy time but actually we are not being lazy. even when we are lazy, our focus is actually towards something that doesn’t require lots of effort. for example, watch television, read novel, play with phone, update blog, play games, try new make up and so and so.

in term of finding man that i like. at first i may look crazy-angry like my mom said but frankly speaking i am sweet like candy but in a good way where i won’t give you diabetes or bad teeth.

but i believe my mom and dad are just joking in that whole conversation. right? you guys are joking, right? right?