i cried in front of big boss

good thing right? it shows that i am sweet, child-like heart, soft and bad worker. hahaha.

i didn’t cry in front of him. he is the boss from other department. the story began when i was asked to collect sign from users until bosses. in case you guys wonder what my position is, i am an intern under IT Division and of course, as junior, i have to do this be-brave-knock-bosses-door-and-ask-for-sign task. its normal and i am thankful for that. baby steps. users, they are easy. they know what did, they confirmed the paperwork and signed. their supervisors also not that hard, checked with respective users, is it okay, then signed. first level bosses, some were tough but easy to deal with as long as they briefly checked the documents. big bosses, tough.

in this case, i have been told that i can’t left the documents. usually, i waited until they finished discuss about the documents and signed. for this particular boss, i had called his secretary, he was not available, if i ever visited his place, he was not there. along this week i tried but no luck. today at 5 p.m, i checked on his secretary, he was available so i rushed to meet him.

i knocked his door and he looked at me. he was not comfortable because he was busy. he asked me to left the file and i said i can’t, these was supposed to finish by today. unsatisfied with my reasoning, he questioned me why i didn’t come early. i kept saying, (i did, i did in my heart and brain), but in reality, i only able to keep quite and swallow my nervousness. he said, “you can’t do this, i can’t simply sign, this is not like stamp”. he looked mad and again, unsatisfied. i said, you can checked with A, this user was a participant. he called and discussion was started in front of me. explanation was given from A to Z. he asked to understand more. both of them were talked and i calmed my heart, i felt my tears were about to come out. i told myself, don’t be stupid, this is nothing.

after he gathered all the necessary information and understand those pile of documents (4 files and each has only 5-6 pages), he signed and lazily put the files on his table. A picked up the file and gave it to me. i waited, looked like it was settle. i bravely put a smile and thanked him and bowed a bit.

on my way to my place, i wanted to cry, i didn’t know why but i needed to cry. i went to the toilet and i cried for two minutes. then i packed my bag to go for Asr prayer and home.

lessons that i get from this scary moment are ;
1. I just learn to understand the contents by reading the file but i didn’t ask anyone. I should ask.
2. I must know how to explain in front of the bosses.

however, i think this won’t be happen if right communication is used by us. why is that his worker under him didn’t inform him about this particular project, this matter. why is that explanation only be made when documents is presented and all it need to settle is a signature. i think formality should be put aside for some cases. just send him an email, boss, actually we have this project, about this and that, we want you to know there is no problem and you may have to sign several documents when it is done. email him. we live in advanced day. i don’t blame anyone. but live could be better with communication. i, myself should learn to ask deeply about projects even though i am just a girl who collect signature.

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