the secret admirer

tell me, is there anyone who does not have someone you like secretly or a crush or the one who has been liked secretly? so far, i am pretty sure, i have a lot of crush since i was in standard 4. i do not know if i have (a) secret admirer(s) or not because i have never seen any sign. sad fact about my life. okay, forget about it.

let’s talk about crush.

i love to have a crush. all this year, i have been thinking why and i think, it is because i am afraid of rejection, i do not want to know what others think, i basically feel enough to be able to like a person just from far. the point is I AM AFRAID. Having a crush is unlimited, haha. you can have many at the same time. crazy huh? me? i guess yeah.

i do not want to tell you about my first or second, i can’t remember all that. however, i do have one that always a dear in my heart. his name is Y, no full name please, if he is married, it could be endanger his marriage, if not, i do not want him to know even it has been 8 years now. dram queen award please!

how should i describe this Y guy? Y is manly, he was a rugby player. he has this beautiful fingers and one tiny beauty mark on top of his lips. he speaks less. he wore spectacles, i am not sure now, he rarely updates his instagram. duhhhh.

basically, i liked him because of his fingers or i am not quite sure why. he is not that handsome but he is fine.

once upon a time,

the cadbury crunch
my class was invited to visit a factory, can’t recall what kind but as an engineering student, we had to go. on the journey back to dorm, we stopped at petrol station and i bought a chocolate, Cadbury Crunch (yep still remember). i planned to give it to him but this woman here was so afraid so she kept it.

then my friend asked me, “hey, you want to give him that right?”. i said, “yep, but i don’t know how and kind a shy.” she offered to give it on behalf of me. i requested her to give him when i was not on sight. after a while, my friend came and said, “he says thanks”

at night, i could not fall asleep. happy? of course. but that was not the reason, i was afraid to go to school. i wanted to run away, changed my school, anything that can help me. obviously, i still had to go. during my engineering drawing, i packed my bag quickly, my mind chanted, “please don’t come, please don’t come, i could die if you come and talk to me” repeatedly. but he came, in front of me. i became frozen, it felt like my face was gone, my hands, legs, where the hell they were? i got very nervous.

he asked me, “did you gave the chocolate to me?” i looked at my leg because i love my leg so much and said, “yeah” very soft, even i couldn’t confirmed my own replied. then he said, “thank you.” i gather all my bones and looked at him, “yeahh.” and smile. so awkward. know what, it just finished there. nothing more, nothing else.

_____________________________________________

please don’t be like me. don’t be afraid to ask. for all i know, he could be the one (How I Met Your Mother much). as for Muslim, we are advised to make connection, to get to know with several guidelines from Quran and Sunnah.

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